A Note on Self Care

As a gentle reminder, we are all different people. Self care has no clear cut set of instructions/actions. What works for me or you may not work for everyone else. This is not an instruction manual, rather, a perspective.

Transition can be difficult. Fall is here, which means school, work and all of your responsibilities are probably hitting you full force. While it may be a generally exciting time, it can also be mentally and emotionally draining. In consequence, it could be straining your relationship with yourself and others. 

Self care is the answer, but what does that look like?

Self care isn’t (as the internet might have you believe) all bubble baths and face masks. It is a choice you have to make every day to respect yourself and your purpose on this earth. You are the first person who needs to love, value and respect you. That is a standard you have to establish.

1. Establish a Routine: A sense of consistency and regularity can work wonders for someone who is constantly fearing change, or for something bad to happen.
1. It is so important to find reason and purpose in your life. Having a daily (or morning/evening) routine that you do for the sake of yourself can improve discipline, esteem and help you set necessary standards of living in your life. In addition, the day to day stresses of life can seem less overwhelming if you remind yourself that you are in control. A routine teaches discipline, that can give you the control you might be yearning for. 
2. A sense of control or normalcy is so important when you’re constantly battling with yourself, wants/needs and the external world. Feeling like your hands are tied will only discourage you and help you give up. Establishing and being disciplined about the things that will make you feel good (whether that be a weekly date night, a shower at 7:15 every morning to wake you up, cleaning and lighting a candle or studying for 90 minutes every evening). 
3. Knowing that a part of your day is dedicated to something besides worry or guilt can help you to understand there’s only ever so much you can do in any given moment. You can’t devote your whole life to your problems in the same way that you can’t devote your whole life to your leisure. Find a balance that will allow you to deal with life while also pouring into yourself.
4. Don't just find time. Make time to care for yourself. Understand that sometimes all you can do is give it to God and try your best to manifest a positive outcome. Reinforce this through positive action (the routine you set up in your daily life).
2. Invest in a Journal and/or Planner: A place to organize your feelings. A place to organize your life/responsibilities.
1. A journal is a place to put your feelings, desires, wants, needs, fears, faults etc. It’s a place to put the overwhelming things in your mind. Write to any person you choose (including yourself) or from any perspective. Oftentimes I find that thoughts and feelings are less overwhelming when I can make sense of them on paper. This is a safe outlet for your darkest fears or thoughts. 
2. If you’re more prefer the audible to the visible, try a video diary or a voice recording. Vent to yourself, play it back and dispute the negativity. If in your video diary you hear yourself saying “I don’t even know where to start/what to do” take a step back and think. You can remove yourself from the feeling you expressed, now what do you need to hear? Comfort yourself as you would a friend or a sibling. It’s awkward at first but it helps.
3. A planner can be a life saver. Bullet journaling is my preferred method because I enjoy the distraction of creating my own layouts. There are also planners with prompts and calendars already printed inside to make your life more manageable and to help you set and plan for achievable goals. All I can say is, don’t knock it until you try it.
3. Physical Well-being: Respect and Esteem
1. You may not have the motivation to wake up every day and get dressed to impress. However, you have to look at yourself in the mirror and form an opinion on you. Often times this happens in the beginning of the day, subsequently dictating our energy throughout the day. Put forth even the smallest amount of effort in the morning to make yourself presentable to your own standards.
2. Try to eat at least one or two home cooked meals a week. Take a walk. Practice safe sex. Brush your teeth and wash your face twice a day. Drink water. Bathe. Wash your clothes and your dishes. Pull a comb through your hair even on days when you don’t feel like it if you know that you’ll feel better about yourself afterwards. Taking a bit of pride in who you are can be so beneficial.
3. Establish moments throughout your day/week/life where you can actively love on yourself. Adjusting your perspective on yourself can help you become secure enough not to let outside opinions or external factors dictate how you feel about you or your life.
4. Compartmentalization: The cure to the bullshit life throws at you.
1. One bad thing or a series of bad things doesn’t have to ruin every other aspect of your day or life. You need to learn how to look at problems objectively and understand the grand scheme of things, (namely your life). Don’t expend extra energy or anger on things that probably won’t even matter next month or next year.
2. Remember in moments of defeat that there’s only so much you can do. There are so many things that you’re simply not in control of and there’s nothing you can do about it. The only person or thing you have full control over is yourself. When it comes to other people, things or occurrences, you can only control how you respond.
3. In your choice of response, remember that we are all given a set of choices and consequences regardless of the circumstance. You will be held accountable for your actions or lack thereof. Be considerate of how your words and actions will affect you and the people around you and be prepared to deal with that.
5. A Note on Choices and Consequences:
1. At the end of the day, you have to learn that everything is a choice and every choice has a consequence. You may not be willing to face all of them, but your hands are never tied. There is always a way out and it can always get better. Be resourceful, advocate for yourself and actively work towards being better each day. You will falter, but learn from those missed steps and don’t make the same choices. Don’t allow people in your life who aren’t actively working to be better. Protect your energy, and set standards. If you respect you, everyone else will have to (or need to move around). Don’t ever be afraid to lose people who don’t respect your effort. Don’t tolerate when they can't reciprocate. Be secure enough in yourself not to allow external factors to shake you into ceding your routine. Love yourself (and others) loudly and fearlessly.

  I’m here.

-Jane