PS001: From A Whisper To A Scream
Poetry Sessions 001: From A Whisper To A Scream
It is so difficult to ask for help when you feel like your feelings or troubles will impact your loved ones in a negative way. Sometimes, their response might even make you feel worse than you felt when you decided to confide. This in turn makes it even more difficult for you to try again, which creates a vicious cycle.
Oftentimes I think it's easy for us to feel as though we are burdening other people with our feelings or our issues. Even though we know we need help, it's hard to ask it of people who can't necessarily empathize or don't particularly understand. It's also difficult when we have people in our support systems who might personalize our issues and be offended or hurt by them.
I know for me personally, (someone who has been diagnosed with depression and anxiety for years), it's hard to feel as though the people in my support system should have to deal with what seems to be my never-ending negative outlook.
Today in particular, I struggled with the idea that my negativity was the issue in all my relationships; platonic, romantic and familial. To me in that moment, I should somehow be made to feel guilty or less than because I need to be able to express how I feel, regardless of how someone else takes it.
Instead of blaming myself, or accepting the guilt that would come along with confiding (whether warranted or otherwise), I chose to express myself in a way that brought me catharsis and also allowed me to gain some new perspective on my own thoughts. I wrote a poem.
From a Whisper to a Scream
Who do you turn to when there’s no one left to listen but a God you are no longer
willing to disappoint?
The simple answer is, you do not.
From a whisper to a scream
And back to a whisper.
You realize that the burdens unique to you are too difficult.
Too heavy to share.
So you bear them.
Knowing that to fall apart and be rebuilt,
A task that none of the king’s horses
And none of his men could accomplish,
Is simply too big a task to ask or expect of anyone.
For to fall apart and come undone
Is simply a reminder that you fell
Without being caught.
In its essence,
The boundless nature of the bottomless mind
Allows one to stow their burdens in its unfathomable depths.
You are responsible for making them stay there.
-JANE
I'm not here to stress the importance of reaching out, because I know how difficult that can be for myself. I also know that if you're empathizing with me at all so far, you don't need to be told how important it can be to have someone there to just listen, or just get it.
There isn't always someone willing. You might be unwilling. But that doesn't mean you're out of options. Self care by creative means. Remember that this is a reminder that you can take control of your mental health. It's not dependent on what you think you know; and though the road might seem long, you aren't out of options yet.
What are some ways that you can express how you feel that don't involve another person? What I've been doing recently include:
-video diaries talking to myself
-prompted journaling (I have prompts, reach out or google!)
-writing to specific people and destroying it afterwards
-writing to God (or whoever you align your faith with)
-Praying out loud (just try it, I promise)
That's what I have as far as this post is concerned. What are your thoughts? What resonated with you? What would you like to see more of (topic wise)?
I'm here.
-Jane
Follow me on Twitter @JaidahJane
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